Nothing left but emojis now

Posted on Tuesday 08/29/2017 09:08:21

My right-wing friend Michael Cramer lives in Houston, and the flood waters are seeping into the ground floor of his house. Many people had already left comments saying things like ‘Praying for you’ or the more brusque ‘Prayers’ (which has the additional advantage of avoiding saying what they were praying for). The most recent I saw was simply an emoji showing a pair of hands pressed together in prayer, which shows what a desperate shortage of letters from the Roman alphabet that the disaster has resulted in.

Not being a cruel man, I expressed my sympathy by leaving the comment:

Take care mate. I am lighting candles around my Donald Trump shrine for you.

I had been wanting to say something like ‘I have sacrificed a virgin to Cthulhu for you. Your safety is assured. Have faith.’ but since he is a Roman Catholic I feared he may not have appreciated the humour of the sentiment.

But it made me think of what else Facebook could do in this respect. Originally they only had the option to ‘Like’ a comment; they added other emojis to supplement this, and it struck me that ‘Praying’ could be another – and, in the interests of balance, one for ‘I am sacrificing a virgin to Cthulhu for you’.

Is that too much to ask of Mark Zuckerberg? I don’t think so. There must be a whole host of other spiritual emojis which could be added to save people the effort of typing out repetitive phrases expressing their religious thoughts. All we need is faith. We can make it happen.

  • Simon Says:
    And because I love this one so much:


  • lunamor Says:
    Gotta admit, my mouth dropped upon reading that comment. In a good, laughing my ass off way. I don't wish him any harm at all. But the Trump thing...heh. The patriotic thing to do would be for Donnie J (as Tina Fey likes to call him) to die so the shrines actually work for once.

    That girl does NOT look like a virgin, and I think the Cthulhu was robbed.

  • kittenheel Says:
    My vote is for a vomiting emoji, for Facehole statuses exhorting us to pray for whoever's caught the wrath of the universe this week. I forget when I unfriended Michael Cramer. I think it might have been when he was a total asshole to Mando for no reason. /homepage

  • Simon Says:
    Jess, I admit that was my thought, but I realised I am not competent to judge such matters.

    Mary, I think that should be added to the emoji list. Definitely.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Have you tried the GIF function on Facebook to see if there's a Cthulhu there?

    And I never liked that guy. Does it make me a bad personal if I say "good"?

  • Simon Says:
    Good thinking, Steve. I keep forgetting the ‘Insert emoji’ and ‘Insert GIF’ functions in Facebook comments. Yes, there are a surprising number of Cthulhu ones – though, tragically, none offering a ‘I am sacrificing a virgin to Cthulhu for you’. This is a matter I feel should be rectified by the relevant authorities.

    I try to divorce him from his political views, which simply makes him a man who likes to make annoyingly snide comments – which is to say, someone like me. I can only pray that he will one day learn to embrace Cthulhu (and I mean that in the erotic rather than the religious sense, naturally).

  • idoru Says:
    Actually, Simon, I think that emoji is for "High Five!", not "prayers!". :)

  • kittenheel Says:
    I actually thought it was clapping.

  • Simon Says:
    Ah, how I love to be among fellow-cynics! May I add to those ‘Rubbing one’s hands together in pleasure at someone else’s misfortune.’? I think I may.

  • silverwraith Says:
    May you always have soggy carpet is a good one.

  • Simon Says:
    Haha! Another good one. I shall have to remember that.

  • Nightbreed Says:
    As one who dabbles in yoga, I always thought the hands together meant 'Namaste,' a typical Hindu greeting. But I'm sure the comment you left him carried more supportive weight than the emotionless 'prayers.' You already know how I feel about that one. In Christianese, I always thought 'prayers' really meant 'sucks to be you.' At least to me, it always felt that way.
  • You must be logged in to comment!