Tremble at my presents

Posted on Wednesday 01/04/2017 02:34:31

Mug

I sat down on the sofa, taking care not to spill any Earl Grey tea onto my bespoke Armani suit as I did so. Unusually I was sipping not from my favourite Royal Doulton china cup, but from a large mug with ‘WTF welcome to flagstaff’ printed on it. Normally I would regard a mug as being too plebeian a receptacle to use for my beverages, but today was different. Today was the day when my Christmas presents from my KCL Secret Santa, Pamela, had arrived, and I wanted to savour them to the full.


Tee shirt

However the tee shirt bearing the slogan ‘Bigfoot BBQ Flagstaff AZ’ would, I felt, be better modelled by one of the most desirable of my Basement Girls. As I sat back I admired the way that the red fabric was moulded around her high, shapely breasts, and felt pleased that I had turned down the central heating low enough for her erect nipples to stand out with such aesthetic perfection. Some female KCL members may make sneering remarks about the way male authors describe women’s breasts, but they don’t understand. How could they? They lack our finer sensibilities.


Book covers

As I watched her sensuous display and mused about male writers and women’s breasts, I found the fingers of my free hand unconsciously stroking the spines of my two other presents: Area of Suspicion and The Damned, by John D MacDonald, a man who bore an uncanny resemblance to the former British prime minister Harold Wilson. A coincidence? I didn’t think so.


Book backs
Harold Wilson

But full, round breasts and stiffened nipples aside, thank you, Pamela, for your presents, and there is no need to apologise for their late arrival. As any good erotica writer would say, it is better to come late than never to come at all.


  • kittenheel Says:
    We need a picture of you in that t-shirt. Preferably holding the literary classics Pam sent you.

  • lunamor Says:
    That is such a great present! :) Well done.

    I'm going to have to agree with KH that we need to see you in that shirt. We promise we won't judge you for the lack of full, round breasts.

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    And the mug. You need to be holding the mug. With the tag of the teabag dangling over the edge of it, but not obscuring the WTF.

  • Simon Says:
    I’ve never worn a tee shirt in my life. When you’re as skinny as I am you wear clothing that’s as thick and baggy as possible. Besides, with the central heating on the setting I’m using I wear a thick cotton shirt and three woollen sweaters from September to May.

    But I’ll consider it. If not for myself, for Art.

  • Evil Fury Says:
    Yes! For Art!

  • intense Says:
    of course wear a thick cotton shirt, or a few woolen sweaters under the tee shirt. that's how my daughter wears her tee shirts.

  • lunamor Says:
    I would really like to see Simon sporting the skater look: a cotton thermal shirt with the tshirt over it. Ball cap on backwards. Maybe some Airwalks.

  • Evil Fury Says:
    YES!!!!!!!!!!!

  • antic Says:
    And big old Elton John eyeglasses

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Simon do you own a pipe?

  • Simon Says:
    Sadly I do not have a pipe – I should, if only to give myself a more dignified look, so more people will respect me. I do have a baseball cap though. This is doable, people.

  • lunamor Says:
    SQUEEEE!!!!!!!

  • antic Says:
    What Luna said, only in proper English.

  • Nightbreed Says:
    Simon, one of your thicker tartanesque cotton flannels with a blue & white color scheme would look groovy under that tee-shirt. Do you still have one like that? You'd be dressed like a Japanese college student. :-)

  • Simon Says:
    Right. Never let it be said I don’t do things for you people:

    Arizona memorabilia

    /homepage

  • Fritz The Bootlegger Says:
    Needs a pipe.

  • lunamor Says:
    This just made my whole fucking day!!!

    Simon, you're the best!!

  • kittenheel Says:
    Cold, bleak day: totally redeemed now! I love it!

  • Nightbreed Says:
    Absolutely wonderful!

  • Evil Fury Says:
    YES! Right on, Simon!

  • Evil Fury Says:
    Best day of the year so far.

  • antic Says:
    That is just so great.

  • lunamor Says:
    I really want to print it out and put it on the wall in my office.

  • kittenheel Says:
    Or next year's Secret Santa Christmas pillow.

  • snow Says:
    Simon ftw!!! This seriously just made my day too!!

  • lermontov Says:
    Well played Simon

  • blackbird Says:
    Hahaha, love the photo! I'm so glad you like the gifts, and that they arrived safely, and that the mug didn't get broken.

    The best part of the t-shirt is what it says on the back...it's why I sent it. And if his basement girls are wearing it, all the better.

    Heh.


  • blackbird Says:
    Also, the books are because Simon and I share an appreciation for The Fine Art of Old, Trashy Pulp Fiction Novels, so when I saw a local used bookstore had some, I knew I had to send him a couple. I was hoping they'd have some with covers a bit more scandalous, but these were the best of the current lot. Haha.

  • Evil Fury Says:
    You did great, girl!!!

  • Simon Says:
    I did originally take a photo of the back of the tee shirt, but thought ‘No. They will feel I am insulting their intelligence if I show them too many pictures; they will prefer to read text. They are literary persons.’

    For those who are curious, the slogan on the back of the tee shirt reads:

    HEY HEY HEY…
    SMOKE MEAT
    EVERY DAY!

  • Simon Says:


    /homepage

  • blackbird Says:
    I kind of want to print out the photo of Simon and keep it at my desk at work. It makes me happy. <3

  • snow Says:
    Omg that's awesome!

  • Easy Sleeper Says:
    I don't know how it works over there, but this kind of picture would ruin your political career in this country. You never know when you might decide to run. And I'll be waiting to blackmail you.

    Great gifts, great post.

  • Nightbreed Says:
    To The CIA Infil-Traitor Who Hacked Simon's Account And Stole His Photos:

    Leave him alone! I'm the one you want, not him. Throw *me* in that solitary confinement cell on that US battlecruiser to be tried without a lawyer. It was *I* who made him post all that. Your people want me for everything I said about the Military Industrial Complex and my posting of the link to the film Propaganda. Your fight is with me, not him. I'm the one who keeps bringing up the plans laid out in the PNAC's booklet Rebuilding America's Defenses, which lays out plans for world domination by the US by starting wars in Asia, developing genetic and cyber-weaponry, doing away with the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons, as President Trump has been hinting. We know you created the 'New Pearl Harbor' event (9/11) mentioned said report, which got the ball rolling.

    Your fight is with me, not with Simon! Let him go and I'll let you live. I mean it!

  • snow Says:
    I can't see the pics anymore. boo.

  • blackbird Says:
    Bring back the photos!

    LOL @ Nightbreed. Hahahaha.

  • Nightbreed Says:
    I'm serious! Simon's blameless, here! o(`ω´ )o

  • Simon Says:
    Damnit! This is what happens when you don’t check the comments of earlier posts often enough. I’ve only just seen these.

    Okay, sorry for the removal of the photos. They still exist, but as some of you may be aware, Google, who bought Picasa Web Albums, changed the way hot-linking was done when they created the gross perversion called ‘Google Photos’. I got so frustrated and pissed off with them I removed them all.

    But they will live on in the collective memory of KCL. Remember that before you weep.

  • blackbird Says:
    I hate Google Photos. Picasa was awesome.
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