Do you recognise my voice?

Posted on Saturday 12/10/2016 02:35:11

This is an old one I first posted on the blog I created on Blogger after the fall of Journalspace. It is, of course, reproduced here following Steve’s post about the strange results that can be had from using voice recognition software.




The following is the result of a test of the Windows Vista voice recognition software that came bundled with my laptop computer.


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I want to see how well voice recognition works.

I don’t think that it works very well. This cannot recognise my main her mind name has Simon. This MS Latimer you flourish, no one I pronounce the less sense it makes is an interesting exercise, much rather a waste of time. I wonder how well it would understand me, who has in the superior entire. This is so close to the house narrower than the tightening. Want Neil O’Donnell for likes. I think I would be better off using the keyboard. Well, this not enough right. I wonder what the this thinking.

It wasn’t were led London been so likely to didn’t Diana and Indian born in the way handle and the work the oracle and in your walking.

I think I’m wasting my time here. Resign. I didn’t say that. I didn’t say he in resign, I sale of northern line. That this isn’t your thing and lands and the work, is made company hierarchy and makes no sense at all.

Let’s try again from the beginning.

I am determined to make this work. It name kill me, much I shall succeeding. This well be the name of our think that’s fine too.

Let’s try saying that my main. My and named after its Simon. I sailor and my nameless this fine and; her a note that HA next place next pace next pace I don’t seem to be able to next may us. How do you press next day? Nears its own difficult to next space?

This note groin. This can’t recognise an of a single word I say. One so complete waste of time. One of the main, no country line don’t know lorry? This is quite entertaining any other kind of way.

Well, I thought that this might make a writer like an entry., Fiercely in line with demand. Do they seriously expect people to use them? Know what this collection are I said at the front line. All of you, leave the country while you’re a. Neck space mine doesn’t to understand the next day?

I think this has been in the learning experience more of them all. Solomon! I send small dose for a of them are useless while one Clara.

Firemen and says that this is the her hand. Quoted by normal. Nell the narrow that didn’t work do this?

Thank you micros off. Lunch was so close to the Microsoft’s next place.

I am within a for despair. Five years of. I senate five years are. Nor five year terms, the years of never mind. No mine girl, I am at my wit’s end. KE this got to the next line! File say. Nome, or final say. How under fire can do I say he has this document? I want to savour this document. Nome, I want to see if this document. Gnome, I want to say he in this document. May room! Say! Gnome! Not Roman Lomax!

I won’t do this neck of the keyboard. Thank this for me mark!


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As Microsoft says, this is cutting-edge technology, and is clearly quicker than using a keyboard. The above only took me about half an hour. One day all offices will be using it.

Sadly I didn’t record what I actually said, so no comparison is possible, but the penultimate paragraph was my attempt to save the document, and I think ‘How under fire can do I say he has this document?’ was probably ‘How the fuck do I save this document?’, while the last sentence was probably ‘Fuck this for a lark!’ ‘Want Neil O’Donnell for likes.’ was probably ‘What a load of bollocks this is.’ The rest must remain purely speculation.


  • kittenheel Says:
    "much I shall succeeding" I've had solicitation emails offering me lots of new web traffic and the wording is always similar to this.

  • Simon Says:
    I’m sure that Micros Off would argue that ‘I want to savour this document.’ is more aesthetically pleasing than ‘I want to save this document.’

  • lunamor Says:
    I'm just glad that you have in the superior entire, because only losers have in the superior in part.
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